cold shoulder

i think i am being ghosted. it is equivalent to getting a silent treatment or a cold shoulder IRL, really. after 4 decades of socializing, here is my take on it:

1. the longer you keep giving that silent treatment, the less likely the relationship will mend. if you do this to your spouse, it feels like a cut that refuses to heal. each time you do it, the wound gets sore or bleeds again before healing again. because – that’s what married people usually do. fight. make up (sometimes without apologies) only to fight again. so even though the relationship is not broken, it is not the same as before after the first silent treatment and not the same after the next one..and the next. because the person on the receiving end will feel less and less affected or bothered by it. “alah biasa tegal biasa” kata orang. eventually, there are no probing, no apologies and what’s left are two people in a non healthy relationship. wonderful ain’t it? 

2. when you give someone the silent treatment, in his or her mind you are devalueing (i.e. YOU care less about) the value of the relationship (or friendship). basically you are closing the door to communication (albeit temporarily). a lot things can happen in a few hours let alone days. people get hurt. people get mad. people throw in the towel. people block people on social media and people give up on people. 

so if you are an adult, learn to express yourself clearly. say “i am feeling a bit annoyed. i need some time ..i will text or call you soon ok. thanks for understanding” 

being kind does not only mean being nice to people whom you like or when your life is hunky dory. it means more so when you are kind to people whom you despise. being kind when you are angry or annoyed – now that’s empathy.


Published by: mizrae

I am not always nice, but I can be. I like reading more than writing, and I wish I write better than I do. I hope that I listen more than I speak because honestly, that's the kind of people I am drawn to.

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