I think the last time i actually looked forward to raya was eons ago cos honestly i can’t even recall the exact year or moment.
Is it because I have lived long enough to accumulate enough sins to finally fear judgment day? Or is it because i feel somewhat ‘off’ every time a merry occasion like this take place? I am not sure. It could be both, but i wish it is the former. People say move on. Forgive and forget. The power of forgiving…they talk about gaining control over your life. But you think you know but you don’t know how. Hard. It. Really. Is.
I have grown accustomed to the reality that sometimes my children will be absent on important days like hari raya. Well there are moments when i feel gutted at the thought of it and console myself by saying mm..whateverlah. so to not feel too much is not to expect much. Instead, I look forward to the night of miracles and wish that my prayers will come true. If not all, at least a tiny fraction because a fraction of a lot is quite significant.