I wish to be many things. A God-fearing person, generous, cool, clever, witty, brave, gentle and compassionate person, for instance. But i realized slowly that if only i could nurture one trait…that is being absolutely sincere in everything i do and say, it will be a major feat.
I don’t mean sincere as in saying what i mean. That is easy to do. The challenge in being verbally sincere is accepting and facing the repurcussions.
I want to be sincere in the sense that if i do something, i do it for the sake of doing it. The enjoyment comes to mefrom the action, not from the expected payback. And if i say something nice to another person, it is because it gives me the satisfaction of making that person know how i feel rather than because i expect her/him to say something equally nice to me. And if i give anything, it will be because of the joy of giving instead of because of anything else.
Major, major feat, kan? Maybe i need to reach a point of being so secured with my inner self that no one can affect me. For us not to expect anything in return from others mean we already possess whatever that thing is. So whether or not you reciprocate to me, it does not bother me. And to not be bothered means i need to be a completely non-judgmental and zen person. That i am not….yet.