After over a decade of knowing him and years of living with him, I know one thing for sure about him: in ALL screw ups, he always thinks it is someone else’ fault. In cases where it is nobody’s fault and it is merely a result of his unreasonable expectation, again it is always someone else’ fault (in his mind).
Therefore, I am not surprised that his lying and cheating brings us to where we are today (17 days to court). A reasonable Muslim will realize that he has committed serious sins and therefore needs to repent. In Islam that means that person acknowledges that he has sinned, asks for forgiveness and vows not to repeat it. Taubat nasuha. Whether you do it because you think you don’t love your wife anymore or because you just felt like it is irrelevant. Because in the big picture, we live for God and the reason we live is to serve Him and earn enough points to end up in Heaven. It is only after you have repented should you address whatever worldly feelings that you feel you need to address. like love or the lack of it.
But i know him and the way he thinks and views things. He probably zoomed in the fact that he strayed because something was lacking in me/the marriage. So the solution will be to leave. Only then will the problem go away because he can be who he is without guilt. The fact that he does not want to change his lifestyle right now only cements my suspicion that he really did not feel sorry for what he has done. In a simplistic, harsh way of describing this scenario would be saying “Oh you don’t like what I did? Too bad because I do and because I enjoy it and you are in the way, I should go.” That’s how I take it. Although in the physical world he is saying “I messed up, I am damaged. I should go.” Seriously, what kind of crap is that?
I can’t afford a shrink. Humour me.